Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
