I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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