Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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