Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
