To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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