she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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