Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
