Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
