wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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