There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
