The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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