I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
