Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
