don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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