I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
