It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
