you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
honey bunches of taint.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
