i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
