so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
