you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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