I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
