Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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