I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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