hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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