if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
