im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
