Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Michael Bay diarrhea
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
