Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
