I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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