so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize