and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
