You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
