happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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