home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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