What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
