I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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