um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
