allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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