i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
