Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
