everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
