Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
