the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
