what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
