shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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