So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
