I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
