Are we in a gay sports bar?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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