FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
