no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
