There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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