laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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