I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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