U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
