Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
