i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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