I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
