she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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