would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
