I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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