some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
