I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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