That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize