Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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