I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
