He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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