SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
