My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
