Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
